Wants

There was a time…

Where I stood lost.
Lost in the hands of the life I saw,
Lost in what I thought I wanted,
Lost in who I thought I wanted to be,
Lost in what I thought the reality I wanted was.

I envied the world,
Envied the people I saw,
What they had:
The families they had,
Where they lived,
The schools they attended,
The kind of vacations they went for,
I envied... everything

I tried to appreciate what I had,
I tried to appreciate the effort being made by those around me,
I tried to appreciate and understand that God's plan for each person was different.When I think of it now,
I really could not grasp the idea of appreciation then.

I remember at those points, I prayed,
In my naive nature,
I prayed for my position situation to change,
I prayed for what they had,
I prayed for God to make a way.

You know God,
He did make a way,
But as usual,
He made His way, not mine.

I know I wondered for a while,
I hoped for another while,
And after sometime I learned to accept what I had, and enjoy it.

When I look back today,
I am glad he didn't give me what everyone else had.
I am glad He remained God and had His way.

I was naive,
I was being covetous,
I thought I was just being a child,
wanting the best for myself.
Today I know better.

When I look at who I am,
When I look at where I am,
When I look at what He has given me, no matter how little, I understand Him better,
I understand why He didn't make me have what they had,
I understand why He didn't make me who they were,
I understand when He says His way is perfect.

In my period of wanting, needing, and craving for what I didn't have, I realised I didn’t give myself the opportunity to enjoy the little I had.  Today, I know better. People would always have better than we do, people would always seem to be happier, and have better lives. But the gratitude we have in today, and the ability for us to enjoy where and what God gives us at each point, goes a long way in making us happy. I am not the best today, I don’t have as much as some, but one thing I have learnt is: God has us where He wants, and He has given us just what we need now. He sees the end from the beginning, and thus knows what is best for us at each point. Sometimes we don't understand why God does certain things at certain points, or why he doesn't do certain things at certain points, but I have tasted and I have seen that God is still God and He'll never make a mistake with us. So people, there is no need to make suggestions to God about what He can do now, or about what you think is best that He can give you. He is God, let Him do His job.

Shalom