Grateful

I woke up excited, all jittery and jumpy.
I sat and thought,
Minutes had turned into hours,
Hours to days,
Days to weeks,
and weeks to months.
I had sat and simply watched as my life went by.
Sometimes my eyes grew teary,
because I was not satisfied with where I was.
Other times I simply observed others and jealously envied them,
questioning why they had what I did not.
I thought a lot.
I observed a lot.
I got jealous.
I got mad.
Then I calmed down,
I stop observing others,
I stopped looking and wondering,
I looked at me,
I looked at what I had,
I looked up to God,
and tried to see things from His view point.
I felt stupid,
I felt ungrateful,
I felt "Oh, God is disappointed in my behavior",
I wanted to cave and hide from Him.
I wanted to feel right in the sight of the world
But that was wrong.
So I stepped back,
and asked Him to teach me,
"make me understand" I begged.
He just sat and smiled,
and that smile made a lot of sense.
My Father smiled at me.
I was ecstatic.
I took my time, and listened to him,
I saw with His eyes,
and things made sense.
I stopped being sad,
I stopped being disappointed.
I flipped like a coin,
I became grateful.
For who I was,
Where I am now,
For the things I did not have,
For the challenges,
For life,
For health,
The list was long,
but I had learnt my lesson.
I turned from basing my life and accomplishments on others,
and learnt to see God's way and say "thanks".
I am still not at the peak or best,
But for where I am,
I am grateful.