Proclaim

I was scared,
I was really really scared.
"Why?" you may ask.
A reason quite simple,
But yet difficult.
They said I was called.
Nothing too exceptional,
But just to be a disciple,
And preach the word.
Me? Preach?
No no no no,
Most have been some kind of joke.
People like me don’t preach,
Pastors do,
That is what I knew,
That is what I thought. 

My heart was beating so fast,
Just a little word they said,
It might encourage a friend.
Just a little tract they showed,
It has saved lives.
Just show some love,
It is what the Bible preaches.

I shivered so much;
People would look at me strange,
Behave to me strange,
Push me away.

"Ahhhh", that is all I wanted to scream.

They said as a Christian

I had to stand out,

And proclaim The Word.

I had to be bold,

And step up my identity.

But heavens knew I could not,

I shyed away,

I lived my life,

I hid my identity,

In a bid to be normal

And feel among.

Days flew by,

Months passed as well,

A few good years rolled away,

Yet I stayed hidden,

I was still a Christian,

Or so I thought.

I hid The Word,

I hid my faith,

I hid my claimed identity,

Just to be normal.

Then I got tired,

Tired of being normal,

Tired of blending in.

Now, all I wanted was to burst out,

Burst out and show my identity,

Proclaim who I was,

Scream it out loud,

Give an encouragement,

Share the word,

Yes, I now acknowledged it,

I wanted to surface,

And show the world The Word.

The Word, which was and is to shine in darkness.

Am I still scared?

A little bit,

But I’ll overcome it,

And give it a shot.

I’’ll take the leap of faith,

And allow my maker guard and guide me.

So I say a little prayer, and off I go

To attempt my first proclamation.

Today I share my faith,

Today I share my identity.

Today I scream, “I am a Christian,

And I am proud of it”.

Tomorrow

Now I think of it, my life will probably change tomorrow.
Tomorrow, a day that seems normal, but yet is new.
Tomorrow, when I arise and see new things,
Tomorrow, when new challenges will come,
new solutions, new joy and yet new sadness.
Tomorrow, a day I crave for today,
yet seem scared to venture into.
Tomorrow is the future of yesterday,
The future I so dearly want,
but yet when its at my finger tip, I step back.
Tomorrow, my head seems to twirl around.
Tomorrow, oh tomorrow.

Today, so now I sit in today,
and wonder why I chased so much after tomorrow.
My tomorrow has come knocking,
and yet I seem clueless.
I'll miss today,
but dear God please help me in tomorrow.

I seek your strength Lord, for without it I truly am lost.
Father be the today of my tomorrow.

Grateful

I woke up excited, all jittery and jumpy.
I sat and thought,
Minutes had turned into hours,
Hours to days,
Days to weeks,
and weeks to months.
I had sat and simply watched as my life went by.
Sometimes my eyes grew teary,
because I was not satisfied with where I was.
Other times I simply observed others and jealously envied them,
questioning why they had what I did not.
I thought a lot.
I observed a lot.
I got jealous.
I got mad.
Then I calmed down,
I stop observing others,
I stopped looking and wondering,
I looked at me,
I looked at what I had,
I looked up to God,
and tried to see things from His view point.
I felt stupid,
I felt ungrateful,
I felt "Oh, God is disappointed in my behavior",
I wanted to cave and hide from Him.
I wanted to feel right in the sight of the world
But that was wrong.
So I stepped back,
and asked Him to teach me,
"make me understand" I begged.
He just sat and smiled,
and that smile made a lot of sense.
My Father smiled at me.
I was ecstatic.
I took my time, and listened to him,
I saw with His eyes,
and things made sense.
I stopped being sad,
I stopped being disappointed.
I flipped like a coin,
I became grateful.
For who I was,
Where I am now,
For the things I did not have,
For the challenges,
For life,
For health,
The list was long,
but I had learnt my lesson.
I turned from basing my life and accomplishments on others,
and learnt to see God's way and say "thanks".
I am still not at the peak or best,
But for where I am,
I am grateful.

My Identity

I want to scream from my loins.
Shout from the depths of my heart.
Wriggle my head a million times,
just to make my point known.

I want to understand somethings.
No,
I want to understand a lot of things.
I want to know.
I want to know why I am the way I am.
Why I seem so different,
Why I act so strange,
Why I don't seem to fit in,
Why I cant, even if I tried to be like others.
I want to know why why why.

I sit and reflect.
I sit and question.
I think I know,but then I don't.

Then,
I am certain I do.

I am different.
I stand out.
Not because I am strange,
Not because I am weird.
Oh no I am not.
I am the way I am, because I am not of this world.
I am who I am,
A representative of the Messiah
A Christian
A believer.
I got my answers, now I live on with my Identity fully noted.
I am who I am, because I am of God.

My Outburst

Each time life threw me a challenge, God gave me grace to scale through.

But there was a point I simply did not understand why the challenges had to stay.

I had faith, I breathed hope, but yet they stayed.

There were times I simply stared in oblivion and let my tears envelop me.

Times I hid my face because I did not believe I could go through it.

It got to a point I was simply fed up.

I ranted.

I cried.

I was disappointed.

And all I wanted to do, was know why.

I waited for an explanation.

I lost my patience.

I wanted to trust God.

But it seemed my faith was shaking.

Yes, that was how I felt... Defeated.

Defeated???

I almost could not believe myself.

I, defeated?

I took in many deep breaths, and did what I should have done.

I cleared my space.

I got on my knees, and I cried to my Father.

I told Him the pain.

I told Him how I hurt.

I know He knew, but telling Him again just gave me relief.

Yes I am a Christian.

And I am not always right or at my best.

I was shaken, I was tried, but even though I knew, I had to work in the fact that God had my back.

I am not done with challenges.

I know more are on the way, but next time, I'll get on my knees before the tears get to me.

I am learning, and I will overcome through it all.

You can check out a similar post on my blog here