Trust

I had trust

Trust in many things
Trust in my parents

Trust in my siblings

Trust in my friends

Trust in the men of God

Trust in my school

Trust in my lecturers

Trust in a whole lot

Yes I had trust

And I believed in the things I trusted

I said I trusted God

But did I ever seek to know what that meant?

I said I relied on Him

And on His Word

I said I always put Him first

But then again I wonder

I said in my little head that I’ll do whatever He said

That I’ll go after he spoke

But did I always do that?

I thought I did

But I fooled myself

I had such confidence

In who I thought I was in Him

I carried my self-high and was proud of me

Then I saw the reality

I was not the perfect
or the good enough person I thought I was

I faulted in many ways

I trusted what men could do for me more

I relied on them being the people to act

More than He that directs them

I believed a great deal

But in many of the wrong things

Then I got heart broken

By who?

These same men I so trusted

They disappointed

Time and over

They promised and failed

They spoke words that gave a hint of light

And then they failed

Man disappointed me over and over

Then I remembered my Father

And as always ran back with my teary eyes

Asking Him to help me

To show me favor

I have been stubborn

I have been naive

I have done the right thing at the wrong time

But finally

I think I have learnt my lesson

Now I’ll go to God first

And tell Him to take care of the men he created

To make things work His way

And to help me trust Him more.

Today I know where I put my trust first

I'll put my trust in God.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

At certain points in our lives, I believe we often trust men more than God, but it's imperative to remember and understand that He is the supreme Being and the One whom we should place all and not some of our trust. 

He, His, Him - referring to God. 

Rapturable

If rapture occurs today

Where would you be?

If rapture occurs today

Where would you stand?

Would you stand tall?

Would you stand firm?

Would you be weak,

And scared,

or ready to run?

Would the Father say,

“You knew me,

But knew not my Word”

Would the Father say,

“You knew my Word,

But obeyed it not”

Would you scream,

And say, “I did this

And did that”

So you will be justified

Would you hide

even before you see

The Father

Would you simply wonder?

Because you really are clueless.

Clueless as to where you stand

Or

Would he simply see you

And say “thou faithful servant”

If rapture occurs today

Where would you be?

Rapture has not occurred today,

So here is my parting words to you
I’ll say, “be rapturable”.

Matthew 7: 21- 22 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you:depart from me, ye that work iniquity(KJV)

Knowing your stand in the kingdom is necessary. Be rapturable..

Lost ---> Found

I felt lost in many ways
Ways I could explain
And yet could not explain

Ways I felt I knew in my reality

But yet could not fully relate with

I am a Christian

And I tried to be different

I was told to move away from the world

To stand out

And act like a Christian

Be Christ-like

So I tried to move away from the ways of the world

I tried to change my lifestyle

Tried to be more...  Christ-like

Hmmm…

I think I got lost

Lost in the notion of what being Christ-like was

I got lost in the religion of being a Christian

I tried to rather be like other Christians
I watched them
I spied on them
I struggled to be like them
I looked up to them
Saw them as perfect
And aspired to be seen likewise
But I know I lost it
I lost myself in trying to be like other Christians

I wondered, Oh I wondered
I felt condemned
Condemned because I had failed
Failed who?
I had failed myself
Failed my expectations
I felt I had failed in being a Christian

I got lost in trying to be an accepted Christian
Not because I tried to be a Christian as it is
I got lost striving to change on the surface
Striving to make the world see what I thought I had become
But I really was lost

I was lost in trying
Always trying

I forgot
Or rather neglected the fact that I didn't need to try
All I had to do was tell my Savior to help me

I was tired of being lost
So I cried
I cried to Jesus
I asked Him to help me
I asked Him to teach me
To mold me
To change me
I asked Jesus to make me who He wanted me to be

I asked and indeed I received
I am not yet the epitome of perfection
But Jesus is my new teacher
I am now letting Jesus live through me
And not me trying to be Him

I was lost, but now I am found in Jesus

Feel free to check out my other posts as well. I have also added a follow session, so you can now follow my blog. I hope you were blessed by this... remain blessed 

A new month

This is just a little something to express my thanks for seeing a new month. 

Grace undeserved,
Love unexplainable,
Yet available.

A year,
Passing by with each splitting second,
A life, my life, your life,
A treasure to my maker,
A new month,
A new day,
A testimony we behold.

For the grace to behold it,
I'll give thanks.
For the opportunity to breath it,
l'll give a smile,
For the unending love,
I'll embrace it.

And for life, for you and for me,
I'll always appreciate it.

Welcome to November.


Learn to appreciate every moment in life you have, through the struggles, through the pain, learn to say thanks. Its a privilege to be alive, so embrace the life you have, and appreciate what God has given you.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. I Tess 5:18

Moments

Those very strange moments I wish I could understand…

Moments when my mind just seems to wonder,

Moments where all I want to be is alone…

Moments where I am mad at what I do not know,

Moments I want to run and simply hide from me,

Moments I think I understand, but I am simply lost in the buzz of the activities,

Moments where I just want to cry and know what’s up with me

Moments I vent at God and start the silly “why” questions.

Then, I wonder why I am asking why

Moments I cling to hold unto something dear.

Moments I wish, think, ponder and try to understand,

Moments only God can fill me,

Hmmmm, unexplainable moments.

I even often wonder if I only feel those moments,

Moments I feel no one can really understand me,

And thus I feel no need to explain what I do not understand.

Moments I’ll seek refuge in the only Being I feel and know understands all things.

Though I vent, and shout and scream,

I know He still understands

Moments where I am…

Lost in me, and found only in God.

Those moments, only God...

The moments have gone by, and then I wonder why I even bothered, God had me covered then and He still does...

Proclaim

I was scared,
I was really really scared.
"Why?" you may ask.
A reason quite simple,
But yet difficult.
They said I was called.
Nothing too exceptional,
But just to be a disciple,
And preach the word.
Me? Preach?
No no no no,
Most have been some kind of joke.
People like me don’t preach,
Pastors do,
That is what I knew,
That is what I thought. 

My heart was beating so fast,
Just a little word they said,
It might encourage a friend.
Just a little tract they showed,
It has saved lives.
Just show some love,
It is what the Bible preaches.

I shivered so much;
People would look at me strange,
Behave to me strange,
Push me away.

"Ahhhh", that is all I wanted to scream.

They said as a Christian

I had to stand out,

And proclaim The Word.

I had to be bold,

And step up my identity.

But heavens knew I could not,

I shyed away,

I lived my life,

I hid my identity,

In a bid to be normal

And feel among.

Days flew by,

Months passed as well,

A few good years rolled away,

Yet I stayed hidden,

I was still a Christian,

Or so I thought.

I hid The Word,

I hid my faith,

I hid my claimed identity,

Just to be normal.

Then I got tired,

Tired of being normal,

Tired of blending in.

Now, all I wanted was to burst out,

Burst out and show my identity,

Proclaim who I was,

Scream it out loud,

Give an encouragement,

Share the word,

Yes, I now acknowledged it,

I wanted to surface,

And show the world The Word.

The Word, which was and is to shine in darkness.

Am I still scared?

A little bit,

But I’ll overcome it,

And give it a shot.

I’’ll take the leap of faith,

And allow my maker guard and guide me.

So I say a little prayer, and off I go

To attempt my first proclamation.

Today I share my faith,

Today I share my identity.

Today I scream, “I am a Christian,

And I am proud of it”.

Tomorrow

Now I think of it, my life will probably change tomorrow.
Tomorrow, a day that seems normal, but yet is new.
Tomorrow, when I arise and see new things,
Tomorrow, when new challenges will come,
new solutions, new joy and yet new sadness.
Tomorrow, a day I crave for today,
yet seem scared to venture into.
Tomorrow is the future of yesterday,
The future I so dearly want,
but yet when its at my finger tip, I step back.
Tomorrow, my head seems to twirl around.
Tomorrow, oh tomorrow.

Today, so now I sit in today,
and wonder why I chased so much after tomorrow.
My tomorrow has come knocking,
and yet I seem clueless.
I'll miss today,
but dear God please help me in tomorrow.

I seek your strength Lord, for without it I truly am lost.
Father be the today of my tomorrow.

Grateful

I woke up excited, all jittery and jumpy.
I sat and thought,
Minutes had turned into hours,
Hours to days,
Days to weeks,
and weeks to months.
I had sat and simply watched as my life went by.
Sometimes my eyes grew teary,
because I was not satisfied with where I was.
Other times I simply observed others and jealously envied them,
questioning why they had what I did not.
I thought a lot.
I observed a lot.
I got jealous.
I got mad.
Then I calmed down,
I stop observing others,
I stopped looking and wondering,
I looked at me,
I looked at what I had,
I looked up to God,
and tried to see things from His view point.
I felt stupid,
I felt ungrateful,
I felt "Oh, God is disappointed in my behavior",
I wanted to cave and hide from Him.
I wanted to feel right in the sight of the world
But that was wrong.
So I stepped back,
and asked Him to teach me,
"make me understand" I begged.
He just sat and smiled,
and that smile made a lot of sense.
My Father smiled at me.
I was ecstatic.
I took my time, and listened to him,
I saw with His eyes,
and things made sense.
I stopped being sad,
I stopped being disappointed.
I flipped like a coin,
I became grateful.
For who I was,
Where I am now,
For the things I did not have,
For the challenges,
For life,
For health,
The list was long,
but I had learnt my lesson.
I turned from basing my life and accomplishments on others,
and learnt to see God's way and say "thanks".
I am still not at the peak or best,
But for where I am,
I am grateful.

My Identity

I want to scream from my loins.
Shout from the depths of my heart.
Wriggle my head a million times,
just to make my point known.

I want to understand somethings.
No,
I want to understand a lot of things.
I want to know.
I want to know why I am the way I am.
Why I seem so different,
Why I act so strange,
Why I don't seem to fit in,
Why I cant, even if I tried to be like others.
I want to know why why why.

I sit and reflect.
I sit and question.
I think I know,but then I don't.

Then,
I am certain I do.

I am different.
I stand out.
Not because I am strange,
Not because I am weird.
Oh no I am not.
I am the way I am, because I am not of this world.
I am who I am,
A representative of the Messiah
A Christian
A believer.
I got my answers, now I live on with my Identity fully noted.
I am who I am, because I am of God.

My Outburst

Each time life threw me a challenge, God gave me grace to scale through.

But there was a point I simply did not understand why the challenges had to stay.

I had faith, I breathed hope, but yet they stayed.

There were times I simply stared in oblivion and let my tears envelop me.

Times I hid my face because I did not believe I could go through it.

It got to a point I was simply fed up.

I ranted.

I cried.

I was disappointed.

And all I wanted to do, was know why.

I waited for an explanation.

I lost my patience.

I wanted to trust God.

But it seemed my faith was shaking.

Yes, that was how I felt... Defeated.

Defeated???

I almost could not believe myself.

I, defeated?

I took in many deep breaths, and did what I should have done.

I cleared my space.

I got on my knees, and I cried to my Father.

I told Him the pain.

I told Him how I hurt.

I know He knew, but telling Him again just gave me relief.

Yes I am a Christian.

And I am not always right or at my best.

I was shaken, I was tried, but even though I knew, I had to work in the fact that God had my back.

I am not done with challenges.

I know more are on the way, but next time, I'll get on my knees before the tears get to me.

I am learning, and I will overcome through it all.

You can check out a similar post on my blog here

The focal point

I really do not know if thrilled or excited captured the way I was feeling, I would rather have described myself as ecstatic that morning. I could already see and imagine what I was hoping for, I even dreamt about it. It is not like I get exceptionally excited about things this often, but believe me this was called for.  I believe I was more excited about going to this church than even going to a new city, after all the Hillsong church did not seem like child's play to me.

So that was the bubble that got me so excited. I was going to the Hillsong church. I had certain expectations from the church. A large stage, a big auditorium, probably as big as a stadium, a great seat I could see clearly from and most importantly great worship. Boy oh boy, was I prepped up for this.

I woke up as early as I could, got ready and checked I did not leave a thing behind. I got to the bus on time and took a seat. As I sat through the bus ride, I was ruminating on how the service was going to be. I could practically feel the type of worship I was anticipating. I was simply thrilled. Irrespective of the many excited feelings that appeared to be jumping around in my system, I had this pull in my spirit(Holy Spirit at work :)). The Holy Spirit drew my attention to the fact that me enjoying His presence was not dependent on the church I attended. Instead he made me understand that the presence of God already exists in me. "For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you"- Luke 17:21

If you have been to any modern or anglican church, you will be used to the conventional atmosphere of the church. By conventional I mean a church where things are in order, you get ushered to your seat and the likes. Well, that was what I expected at the Hillsong Church. The service was to start at 10am and I got there at about 10:10am. My first shocker was right at the entrance of the church. Since I was late I simply ignored and rushed along.

Yep, that was the look I got on my face when I got up the stairs, talk about a total shocker. The place was packed with people as I expected, but the environment was the complete opposite of my expectations. If the little knowledge I possessed was correct this venue did look much like a pub. Hmmmm, this was gonna be one service. 

Simply identifying with the current location I found myself, my high hopes seemed to shy away slowly. There was no sitting space anywhere, which implied I was  going to stand through out the service. At this thought, I began to wonder if all my hopes were dashed. I could not even see the stage well enough, except through the monitors and mehn I was sad.

A part of me seriously wanted to just shy away and stay in the background, after all no one really knew me there.  I felt a nudge in my spirit again, which reaffirmed the purpose my going to church was for: making the spirit of God I already have in me fellowship with others. I kept my mind open irrespective of how things looked and just got ushered into the atmosphere of worship. Time flew by without me even noticing I was on my feet the whole time, worship flowed with such elegance and lack of concern that I hardly remembered my presupposition compared to my current surrounding.

That was my situation, but then the reality of it is that, we have presuppositions that usually do not depict the reality we expect. Times when we have a glimpse of things in our minds and simply expect the reality to surface like that... Yeah, we all have those times. And very often we see the reality of our unreality, and how things do not fall into place like we hoped for.

Most often we simply shy away from what we get, because we believe we deserve better. It's in the process of neglecting or shying away that we forget the true purpose of a situation. If I chose to hold on to my initial dissatisfaction of the environment, I probably would have missed out on the experience I had with God that day. The same applies in our lives, if we simply shy away because things are not the way we  expect or want them to be, we would often miss the relevant lessons we are to learn from things being the way they are.

Life as it is, is full of many surprises. While there are some we like and would love to experience everyday, there are some which rock us. However, with every single experience there is a relevant lesson. So embrace each situation and neglect the disappointment, ("Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and lean not on your own understanding"- Prov 3:5) move on to achieve as much as you can with the little you get. After all the bible even admonishes us not to despise the days of small beginnings.

The sky is indeed our limit, we can choose to let disappointments reign, or simply stand on the disappointments and get every ounce of victory we can.

Anglican church: In relation to their specific church structures.

New comer in the building

I have a little sense of adventure in me, but in this new unfamiliar town, hmmmm I don’t know.

You know that feeling when you are between excited and nervous?

Excited because you are about to do something you classify as fun and new, but yet nervous and almost scared of what you are about to do. Well that's how I felt that hot summer afternoon.

All dressed and ready to take up the challenge the day had for me, I stepped out into the sun and smiled all the way to my destination. I was grateful I got a free ride and did not have to face the first hustle of having to find my way myself.

Tick tick tick went the hand of the clock and time flew. The initial excitement and nervousness I felt dying down somewhere in between the chatter and work, I barely noticed. Boy was I hungry. I was excited the day had drawn to a close, and almost forgot I had to find my way home myself. I “carefully” studied the directions I was to take home, packed my things and got ready to go.

Pushing away all the nervousness that seemed to have built up again while planning my trip back home, I alighted from the vehicle and found myself in the train station, surrounded by many signs which seemed familiar from movies, but too unfamiliar in the physical. Ohhh my gawd, I almost wanted to run and hide. But as we always have it, I gave a bold face and walked “boldly” to the customer care lady, and with my “highly sophisticated” English, I asked where I was to get a ticket for the next train.

I know it seems easier than I have it written, but the reality is that I wasn’t sure of my final stop. I thought it was Stenton but all around I saw Trenton and I simply assumed it was one and the same, after all the only difference in pronunciation and spelling was the “s”.

Feeling a little confident,  and believing I knew my final destination, I bought my ticket and walked on to the train line to get on my train, but mehn I had this gut feeling that just wouldn’t go. It was almost like my heart was beating out, and all because of what... one ordinary train.

Shaking my head, I was disappointed in myself; I gave myself a little confidence talk in my head while looking around this new surrounding and simply stood my ground.

Overhead announcer: “We are sorry to inform you the train has been delayed and bla bla bla”

Thinking of it now, I won’t be too surprised if that delay was because of me, because it did save me a trip to another state. I took a closer look at my ticket considering the uneasiness I felt in my spirit that didn’t want to enter the train, strolled back to the woman at the counter and told her the address of where exactly I was going.

It appeared there and then that the gut feeling I had was right, which I can say is my spirit as I was a few minutes away from taking a wrong train out of town. On getting the right information, I changed my ticket and walked joyfully to the right train with little or no feeling of anxiety or worry. I may not have realized then, but I did learn a significant lesson.

Our lives as Christians are often times depicted as my little destination palava (problem), where we think we know the specific direction we are headed, but we really don’t.  “Many are the ways that seem right to a man, but the end thereof is the way of death”- Proverbs 16:25. 

We often find ourselves in certain situations we think we have the strength to run through, but realize along the way the errors of our thoughts.  These situations or scenarios often get us so bashed, we feel sick in our hearts and spirits like I did with the gut feeling.

I didn’t mention how shy and stupid I felt walking back to the counter to correct the error of my ways, but the relief I got from knowing I was now on the right path was stunning.

I know we’ve probably read or heard a million or gazillion times, the verse:  “if any man lacks wisdom let him ask of God who freely gives”- James 1:5. Wisdom in this sense, doesn’t necessarily mean the most majestic knowledge, but can be related to the littlest things like getting right advice. I walked up to the counter initially with a certain air of confidence, hoping I knew where I was going.  If only I took my time to search, then i would have realized I was not too sure.

In our growth as Christians, we tend to experience situations where albeit we try to understand somethings, we end up with little or no understanding. We carry our heads up high so no one looks down on us, and thus ignore the feeling in our spirit. I am no saint and I admit to have done this on different occasions, but understanding the role fellow Christians play in our lives can indeed put us through  our mystery and help us grow faster.

I am an adult, and anyone would wonder why exploring a new city or even taking a train should call for attention, but it’s just to make me understand that though I think I know a lot of things most of the time, I could be wrong and require help to get back on the right track.

The simple feeling of knowing I was finally going on the right train made me breathe out a heavy sigh I did not know I held in. We as Christians often times don’t admit the weight we hold on to when we hold unto uncertainties, and until we learn to ask for help or advice from those around, we don’t get to really experience the many things the word of God promises us.

I am fully aware of the fact that our Christian growth is more of a personal thing, but I am also aware of the fact that God put in place leaders ahead of us for a reason. Jesus and his disciples are the best example, they showed how they learned from each other by asking questions, and therefore set an example for us to learn from one another. The bible says “ask and it shall be given unto you…” (Matthew 7:7), asking doesn't have to be just the huge things we think we deserve, but even the little things we are uncertain about.

My one day trip as a JJC(new comer) in this train station has enlightened me a little more. I haven’t lost my sense of adventure, neither has my confidence reduced. Be that as it may, I have realized that even with my high level of confidence and adventurous nature I still need help sometimes. This in effect means although we have things that rock us as Christians, the desire to press on should be ever present. We weren't created to be perfect, hence our imperfection... So we should not look down on ourselves and back out on certain reasons, but persevere and show that we are overcomers.

Shalom

JJC : also known as Johnny Just Come is a nigerian slang for someone in a new surrounding.

zzzzzz goes the fly

“zzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzz” the buzzing of the silly housefly just kept humming in my ears. “Ahhhhh” I screamed and tried endlessly and in an unfruitful manner to kill it.

In and out it went, from front, to left, to right, to center playing not even the game of hide and seek with me, but who is the fastest. 

Boy was I mad. The fact that I was jumping around just to kill one silly fly was not nearly as annoying as the sound the fly was making. I tried again with several failed attempts, swinging my cloth around and just trying to kill it wherever I heard it sound. If I wasn’t human, I would I have said the fly was smart because it always found a way to escape.

My hands were hurting from swinging continuously to no avail and I was almost dizzy just turning around in a seamless circle. *sighing* I paused to take a breath and actually just let the fly fool around for a while before it settled, which I presumed it was gonna do. As I waited  patiently, as my already uneasy body could, I observed the fly rotate in a circle for a little while, and finally rest  its tiny little body that seemed harmless and quite on the window still.

 *slam slam slam* yep that was the sound of me killing it, I almost did a victory dance just knowing I didn't have to hear that annoying sound hovering over me while I went back to my position resting.  I guess this was the point I appreciated the silence of the room.

So I am sure someone is wondering what my long story as got to do with anything, after all we all have such experiences, well let’s just say I learnt a lesson from it.

Let’s say the annoying sound of the fly is in our everyday lives, is the devil. 

The running around in rotating circles to distract us from knowing its exact location, is he (the devil) playing around in our lives and making us annoyed. 

The aches in our hand due to endless attempts trying to kill the fly, is he(the devil) getting us tired and frustrated when whatever he does seems to be taking a toll on us without our effort yielding any impact.

The pause, this i see as when we get tried and actually come to the realization that just following in the footsteps of his last attempt yields nothing and simply gets us more upset.

In the event whereby we pause, we get to realize the tricks of the devil and ultimately gain the wisdom ( noticing how it moves in a particular circle)  and understanding that not worrying will eventually let our adversary, which was in this case the fly stop and relax.

It is in the process of it (the devil or the fly) relaxing because he thinks he is finally settled and gotten us used to him being there that we charge to kill and displace him.

Learning to trust God in all situations and letting go of our worries, allows us to see, that although things seem very difficult and often times like they are not going in our favor, we sitting back, pausing and praying as said in Philippians 4:6 “Be ye anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer, supplication and thanksgiving make your request known unto God”, we get to see that God is really in charge and would take care of the devil once we just trust in him.

My little fly encounter was annoying and frustrating as of the time it occurred, but reflecting and learning from it made it worth it. Life as it is will always come with its challenges because the devil is in charge of the world, but acknowledging the fact that God makes us supernatural and will take care of all our troubles is what keeps hope alive. Trust him; He has always got your back.